A Battle You Can't See

This entry is written more like a journal entry...kinda raw. Proceed with caution... :)

I was expecting spiritual warfare when we moved to Grinnell, because Satan opposes anything that is healthy and good for families. However, God just poured out blessings on us that He had stored up for this point in our journey, and I didn't sense much in the way of spiritual warfare.

And then we started to pray. Not just what we had been doing but beyond. We began to join with others in prayer and started to see God do some pretty cool stuff that was clearly beyond our ability to do! As we had prayed for months before moving to Grinnell, he connected us with other people who also love to pray, and we now spend several of our evenings each week in prayer with other Christ-followers. This has been encouraging beyond words. Our house church (the group of believers that we are "doing life" with) is beginning to feel more like the house churches of Acts. Okay, we have a long way to go, but those first baby steps are happening.

So I suppose it makes sense that spiritual warfare like I've never experienced before began about two weeks ago. Satan is a liar, a thief, and an accuser. He lies about who you are to God, he steals your hope, and he accuses you and those around you of sin. He whispers these lies to you in subtle ways, and when it happens repeatedly, you can begin to think that it's your own thoughts and even worse - that it's true. He tries to convince us that others don't like us or that we are better than others or that God doesn't accept us or that there is no hope for our future or that we need something other than Jesus to be happy.

If a major trial had come our way, I could have pointed at it and said, "This is a temptation to sin! God, help!" But instead, the evil one was sly and subtle and it took me days (and a multitude of sinful thoughts and words later) to realize I was being lied to.

Yesterday was the worst day. I had decided days before that I would rise a couple hours earlier than usual to pray for a specific request for a friend. I've never felt so oppressed by lies as I did yesterday, and on top of that, it seemed that every little thing was going wrong, making it more difficult to pray against the lies. Things may have looked okay on the outside, but there was a major battle going on in my spirit. As I spoke critical words and had critical thoughts of others, I felt that I was losing the battle. Then, I ended up staying up much later than I had anticipated, so I was tired all around.

Looking back, I think Satan was trying to prevent me from waking early to pray for this friend. The Lord woke me this morning and I prayed for her. After about 30 to 45 minutes, I began a time of meditation and listening to the Lord regarding her situation. At some point, I drifted to sleep for a few minutes and was woken up by a pain in my finger. I had just had a dream that a larger-than-life snake/dragon (as Satan is depicted in the Bible) was coming toward me and then bit my finger and wouldn't let go for a long time. (Side note that I just realized while typing this...I had a reoccurring nightmare as a child that a wolf jumped through the window and bit off my finger. Satan is described as a wolf in sheep's clothing - a deceiver. Interesting.)

After this dream, it was as if I was freed from the oppression of the past two weeks. Today, I am not battling lies and thoughts of self-pity/depression. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Satan doesn't like prayer and he certainly doesn't like when we love others, forgive others, bear with others, and reconcile with others...things we have been pursuing as a group of believers. I should not be surprised by his opposition; it's just sort-of surreal I guess. I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do in the next couple years. Pray that we would resist Satan!

Labels

Friendship with the world is hatred toward God.

The world loves recognition, and God loves humility. Recognition stands in opposition to God. We want to be recognized in specific ways according to our gifts given by the Lord for which we wrongfully desire to receive the credit. With our pride, we pursue being labeled, according to how we desire others to consider us.

Here are some examples of labels the world desires:

I am smart.
I am athletic.
I am a good cook.
I am wealthy.
I am beautiful.

Some even have the appearance of being good labels:

I am a good spouse.
I am a good parent.
I am a hard worker.

The Word says, "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus who...made himself nothing."

What labels did Jesus seek on earth? None. And if anyone had a right to seek labels, it would be Jesus!! Yet, he showed us what humility is by seeking only to glorify the Father.

So my prayer has been that I would seek no label from the world. Insecurity is what drives our desire to be labeled as something that we want to be seen as. How secure would we be to truly believe that we are nothing without God? That anything we have or do is from Him and FOR Him? Then, our security rests not in our ability or inability to live up to our self-imposed labels but in Jesus Christ, the only sure and secure thing in this life! What a relief!

Alive and Well in Grinnell!

It has been one week since moving day, and I'm happy to report that we are doing great! I've been humbled by all the help we received this week as we moved and unpacked and settled into Grinnell. I believe the Lord has been showing His great love for us by all the blessings of help from others, a house that has proved to suit as so perfectly, and a town that seems to fit better than we thought it would! Yesterday, we needed to update our driver's licenses, obtain passports for our four boys, and get new license plates for our vehicles. We parked right outside the door to one building that had every office we needed, and we were in an out with all of that accomplished in less than an hour! I was shocked! That would have been an all day project in Des Moines, driving all over town and waiting in long lines.

It's awesome that so many of John's service calls/door installs are within minutes (instead of an hour) from our home! He can pop in for lunch or grab something from the office too.

I am feeling more relaxed here too. There are certainly less distractions and, at this point anyway, less things that want to get on our calendar! It's a good season of life to be tucked away and allow our family relationships to grow.

Tomorrow, He Sends

Tomorrow, He sends us to Grinnell. To all of you who have walked this journey of life with us in Ankeny, thank you! How the LORD has grown our faith in this city through the circumstances and people around us in this place.

In these past weeks, we have been surrounded with people who have been babysitting, cleaning, stripping wallpaper, painting, transporting, praying, packing, and just being...just walking through this transition with us. We are so thankful for your selfless service to us through this transition.

Please pray for us as we begin the next chapter of life. Pray for strength, endurance, and more of Jesus. And please...let me know how to pray for you! I love to pray!

Yes, He is sending us but He is also going before us and is also our rearguard. He's before, with, and behind us. Lord, send me!

It's Time To Go.

John and I had a hard but good conversation on Monday, October 3rd. There are some areas that need work in our family and some things in our life that are making it difficult to make changes in those areas.

During my time with the Lord the following morning, He spoke to me, "It's time to go to Grinnell."

"Lord, I don't know exactly what you mean because our house hasn't sold yet, and we haven't found a house in Grinnell yet. I trust you, Lord, to work out the details as I don't know what exactly this means. Is our house going to sell today? I know John doesn't want to move until our house is sold."

Thirty minutes later, John came downstairs and told him that one of his big clients suggested that we move to Grinnell and just make two house payments so we could live in our market group. (We will save over $500 a month in gas also - not enough for a house payment but helpful!)

After six months of having our house for sell, the Lord spoke to both of us on the same day in different ways. My jaw is hanging at this point. God is good; He just IS. I told John what the Lord had spoken to me just moments ago, and we decided that yes, this was from the Lord and we will ask Him to show us a house.

We already had an appointment scheduled to see a house the following Monday. Actually, we originally had a second appointment scheduled to see a house that we were thinking might be the one. It would have been majorly downsizing but then some people said they were either going to move in with us or were thinking about it, so we determined that the house would not have enough room for those purposes and cancelled that appointment. I think the Lord just wanted me to be willing to live in whatever home He provided. My heart is not to have a big house or impress anyone anymore. I just want what He wants for His purposes.

Monday came and we looked at 1526 Main Street in Grinnell. We knew right away...this is IT. The house has more than enough room for our family plus room for lots of guests, so I'm guessing that's what the Lord has for the future. It is two blocks from the college in which we plan to be a "home away from home" for the international students there and is less than a mile from John's office! We fasted and prayed for a weekend with my prayer partner Lisa and first thing Monday morning, the Lord reiterated, "GO." That was the only word I heard from him after that whole weekend!

Satan tried to stop the plan (a long story for another post), but two weeks later, we agreed on a price and a closing date of December 15. We firmly believe the Lord will sell our house in HIS time and for HIS glory! We walk by faith, not by sight. This doesn't make sense - financially or logistically, but the Lord said GO so off we go!!

Thoughts on Humility

These were some thoughts I had as I worshiped the Lord in song at First Family Church yesterday...

We cannot pursue joy, peace, and hope without pursuing Jesus. To pursue Jesus is to pursue humility. What is humility? Claim nothing but Christ. Boast in nothing but Christ. Delight in nothing but Christ. This is humility; this is Jesus in us and leads to joy, peace, and hope which are so often sought by human effort rather than humbling ourselves before God and acknowledging our inability to be anything more than dead people without Jesus.

Lord, I want to be nothing so you can use me. When I embraced humility, and therefore Jesus, I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't have anything to prove anymore. I have been spiritually raised up from death and anything good and eternal accomplished in my life is only Jesus in me and of no credit to me. To God be the glory!! Amen!

Sin in the Old Testament

There are some major sin issues going on in the Old Testament, and for years, I took issue with that. How could God's people be so off-course? Is that grounds for those in the Church to commit similar sins...murder, rape, adultery, an ongoing problem with deceiving others?

Enter Jesus (part two of the Bible). There are two different responses to Jesus in the New Testament: God's people find comfort and forgiveness (like the Ninevites or the younger brother in the Prodigal Son story) or stand up a little taller, thinking they are good enough without him (like Jonah or the older brother in the Prodigal Son story).

We can live differently than God's people in the Old Testament. Every page of the Old Testament is screaming, "WE NEED A SAVIOR!!!" With every sin and every loss and every lament and every heartache, the Old Testament screams, "SEND US A SAVIOR!!!"

So God did.

And now we don't have to sin. We are not slaves to sin anymore but slaves to Jesus, our Savior. When we are faced with the temptation to sin, we don't have to just try harder. That would be slipping back into our days when we tried to save ourselves. That would make following Jesus like any other religion in the world: just try hard to be good.

Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weak and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest."

Yes, rest from your problems - including your eternal destiny - but also rest from trying not to sin. I think this is why so many Christ-followers get burnt out and sin in secret (i.e. choosing more "Christian" addictions) or fall off the deep end. After being saved by grace, we turn around and try to earn God's favor.

God, I am completely incapable of following your law. I am impatient, unkind, and ungrateful. Even when I am patient, kind, or grateful, my motive is selfish. "Every inclination of man's heart is only evil all the time", and I am no exception. Lord, I give up. I'm done trying to do good. I find rest in you. Live in me, Jesus, so that you can do good through me. I am just a vessel of your goodness. There is nothing good in me - only in you. So let your light shine through me. Help me to get out of your way, so that the world can see who you really are. I don't have to live like your people in the Old Testament who didn't yet have a Savior living inside of them - living through them. I have the power of the very Spirit of Jesus dwelling inside me. Use me, Lord, for your purposes, not my own. Amen.

So then, when I do good, it is not me who receives the praise and glory, but God because all good done through me is really just Him living through me!

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.